21. Calm waters, busy mind.

It’s the 26th of December. I’m sitting on a balcony, looking out at a tranquil view of the ocean and the island beyond.

I am currently experiencing two very contrasting emotions. On one hand, I am incredibly grateful and calm. On the other hand, there is an underlying sadness—a rush inside of me that I can’t quite shake.

I didn’t know I could feel both at the same time until I looked at the water.

The ocean is my muse today; it is the perfect example of this duality. It can look glass-calm on the surface while hiding a deep, powerful undercurrent.

If this sounds heavy for the day after Christmas, I’m sorry. But I wanted to be honest. If you’re feeling this way too, I’m sending you a digital hug. You aren’t alone.

I have so much to be thankful for: my Pilates career, my health, a loving family and husband, and the gift of being on this beautiful island. I felt so guilty for having a "depressing episode" in paradise, but I’ve realised my brain just doesn't know how to switch off. I am already living in 2026—worrying about my Pilates courses, my clients, and how to proactively create more opportunities to sing.

In the rush to be "prepared," I was becoming overwhelmed and losing my grip on the present. I was so caught up in my head and missing my family that I almost missed a beautiful night with new friends. We wore ridiculous hats, shared a meal, and laughed until we cried.

We have one week left here. So, what am I going to do? I’m putting my phone away. I’m refusing to fall into the wormhole of scrolling and feeling "less than." I heard a quote on a podcast during my walk this week: “If the devil can’t make you sin, he’ll make you busy.”

My schedule might be clear, but my head has been far too busy. No more.

Here’s to living in the NOW.

Love Rachelle.